1x10 Hi, Society
I’m back after a long hiatus and finally there are more problems in the Gossip Girl timeline! Thank you, Gossip Girl gods, for sucking me back in and motivating me to continue this project.
Problem 1: Carter Baizen returns to serve as Serena’s escort at the debutante ball and everyone oohs and ahhs over his travels around the globe and the fact that he is back in town. Then the following exchange takes place.
Dan: Back? Where were you
Minion 1: Where wasn’t he? He disowned his parents and went around the world.
Minion 2: Everyone was talking about it. Gossip Girl even had a dedicated Carter Baizen map with spotted.
Number one, I guess spotted is a noun now? Like it had a spotted section. Whatever. Okay, so, Dan has to act like he doesn’t know where Carter was because he just started attending St. Jude’s blah blah doesn’t know Carter or his legend blah blah. But… I assume Carter’s travels have been going on for at least a year, or it wouldn’t be this big deal. We learned in previous episodes that he left (maybe graduated from) high school a couple years ago. So if Dan is running Gossip Girl, he was tracking Carter’s trip progress on the site for a while. How long has Gossip Girl been a thing? That is a LOT of dedication… To just be following all the people of the Upper East Side without even talking to Serena yet? Since Serena is theoretically the reason this whole thing happened. I’m beginning to think Dan just really wanted to run a gossip blog and Serena was his excuse. He had a whole Carter Baizen map!
Problem 2: Dan is supposed to be this master of manipulation. He set up this whole Gossip Girl plot that took 6 years to pan out. Yet when Serena’s grandma, Cece, does typical manipulative UES things, he turns around and tells Serena that her grandma isn’t a good person. Serena of course responds negatively, asking Dan to leave, because what normal person would say “Oh random new guy I’m dating, you’re right, my grandma who is always nice to me is actually a heinous bitch.” NEVER insult someone’s family members, even if they do it first. Definitely don’t tell them “That woman is the most manipulative person I’ve ever met. She makes your mother look like Gandhi.” Double whammy of insults, Dan.
(Side note: Cece’s name is Celia and not Cecelia???)
Now, on to things that sound ridiculous when Dan Humphrey says them. I just imagine him all swoon-y and/or philosophical as he says this next line.